matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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