you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
