get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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