I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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