You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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