Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
