The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
