I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
