there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
