Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
