Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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