In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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