there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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