Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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