It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
