Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
