I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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