i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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