maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
