I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sarcasm needs its own font
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
