I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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