you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
