Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
