bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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