Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
