Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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