he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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