i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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