Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
