Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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