Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
