Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
