Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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