I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Randomize
