Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
sarcasm needs its own font
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
