Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
