no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize