Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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