Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize