You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
