dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
