i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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