Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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