Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
