i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
