Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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