I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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