My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
