Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
