I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
