Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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