Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
