If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
