eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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