Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
