My nipple is on Facebook.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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