I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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