Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was born a porn star she said
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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