I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
