who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
