So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
