farters have to be the big spoon...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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