you guys were way drunker than both of me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
