Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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