hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
